A large mob of malay dudes stand outside your door, greeting you as if they know you. They begin yelling and howling at each other, wishing Hari Raya, and claiming to know your father, brother or your sister. Despite doubts, you open your door and they begin rushing in and crowding the house, creating a fine din in the living room and messing your house up after your painstaking cleaning work.
After 10 minutes of akwardness and enduring their yells and shouts, they begin to leave, but before that, asked for green packets, which was only reserved for friends and family members. To decline was to be a total scrooge, thus, you have no choice but to hand over. Not only that, your house is left in ruins, with drinks half-finished, sinks piled to the top and the other horror stories.
Exaggerating, am I? Well, once you get your turn, you'll see.
Got you worried now right? You're probably asking what to do now? Well, I do have the products for you!
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Kim's Products To Counter The Unexpected Visits!
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The Balloon Chinese Boy!
Ever look at the peephole and wonder how to ignore the rapid doorbells being pressed by the Malay dudes outside? Fret no more! Simply inflate this balloon and place it outside this door, they wont even know the difference! With realistic plastic coating and detailed expressions, it is a sure way to fool your intruders in thinking that they are at the wrong house. Enjoy hearing the intruders asking retarded questions such as "Aku ingat ini rumah orang melayu! (I thought this was a malay house!)" or "Bodoh la, Ahmad, rumah melayu pun tak tahu (Stupid Ahmad, Malay house also dont know!)" as you close the door, sniggering.
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The Un-Happy Kuihs!
Sick of them finishing your hard worked kuihs when they're meant for your relatives? Well, with our perfect kuihs, not only is it simply ready to be served at a second's notice, but also, leave long lasting impressions to those pesky intruders, especially where it hurts most, the stomach! This kuihs will leave them incapicated in the toilet, unable to pester anyone for the rest of the day! Just make sure they leave immediately after eating the kuihs though, or your toilet will be the one that's going to have a bombardment!
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The Mini-Exploding Packets!
Why let all your hard-earned cash go to a couple of free loaders? With these fake packets, not only would you keep your well-deserved salary, but punish those random visitors as these aren't your everday paper packets, but packets filled with mini exploding devices, guranteed not to hurt (you don't want to go to court, do you?) but leave a shock for them, as the packets explode in a mini-puff of red smoke and a loud shrill bang. To increase the effectiveness, leave a scary picture in the packet to make sure they have a Hari Raya they won't forget!
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So, wait no longer! Your sufferings are at a end! Simply place your order at 1800-PREVENTMATS or order online at www.nopacketsforyou.com! Order now, and recieve our Hari Raya season discount, which is 25% off! With our products, we gurantee to keep them at bay, or leave their baju kurung and songkoks in tatters.
I claim no responsibility for any injuries or deaths occuring during usage of products or consequences, because I'm a fag, lololololololol.
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