Now for a short break...

Picture this. You and your mum happily preparing your house for the next Hari Raya visit. As you begin wiping the dining table, the doorbell rings. Your mum, who is currently minding the kitchen, asks you to answer it. You begin to head to the door and opening it, start to wonder which of your relatives are outside the door this time.


A large mob of malay dudes stand outside your door, greeting you as if they know you. They begin yelling and howling at each other, wishing Hari Raya, and claiming to know your father, brother or your sister. Despite doubts, you open your door and they begin rushing in and crowding the house, creating a fine din in the living room and messing your house up after your painstaking cleaning work.



After 10 minutes of akwardness and enduring their yells and shouts, they begin to leave, but before that, asked for green packets, which was only reserved for friends and family members. To decline was to be a total scrooge, thus, you have no choice but to hand over. Not only that, your house is left in ruins, with drinks half-finished, sinks piled to the top and the other horror stories.



Exaggerating, am I? Well, once you get your turn, you'll see.

Got you worried now right? You're probably asking what to do now? Well, I do have the products for you!

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Kim's Products To Counter The Unexpected Visits!



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The Balloon Chinese Boy!


Ever look at the peephole and wonder how to ignore the rapid doorbells being pressed by the Malay dudes outside? Fret no more! Simply inflate this balloon and place it outside this door, they wont even know the difference! With realistic plastic coating and detailed expressions, it is a sure way to fool your intruders in thinking that they are at the wrong house. Enjoy hearing the intruders asking retarded questions such as "Aku ingat ini rumah orang melayu! (I thought this was a malay house!)" or "Bodoh la, Ahmad, rumah melayu pun tak tahu (Stupid Ahmad, Malay house also dont know!)" as you close the door, sniggering.



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The Un-Happy Kuihs!


Sick of them finishing your hard worked kuihs when they're meant for your relatives? Well, with our perfect kuihs, not only is it simply ready to be served at a second's notice, but also, leave long lasting impressions to those pesky intruders, especially where it hurts most, the stomach! This kuihs will leave them incapicated in the toilet, unable to pester anyone for the rest of the day! Just make sure they leave immediately after eating the kuihs though, or your toilet will be the one that's going to have a bombardment!

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The Mini-Exploding Packets!



Why let all your hard-earned cash go to a couple of free loaders? With these fake packets, not only would you keep your well-deserved salary, but punish those random visitors as these aren't your everday paper packets, but packets filled with mini exploding devices, guranteed not to hurt (you don't want to go to court, do you?) but leave a shock for them, as the packets explode in a mini-puff of red smoke and a loud shrill bang. To increase the effectiveness, leave a scary picture in the packet to make sure they have a Hari Raya they won't forget!

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So, wait no longer! Your sufferings are at a end! Simply place your order at 1800-PREVENTMATS or order online at www.nopacketsforyou.com! Order now, and recieve our Hari Raya season discount, which is 25% off! With our products, we gurantee to keep them at bay, or leave their baju kurung and songkoks in tatters.


I claim no responsibility for any injuries or deaths occuring during usage of products or consequences, because I'm a fag, lololololololol.

My Blog has a Dead Ringer, It's not Dead. Just behind you.

Well, it's been a long time since I updated my blog. It's maybe because of my attention being diverted to other tasks or games or stuff. But that doesn't mean it's dead, it's just taking a vacation.


Now first up, the main reason why I decided to revive my blog is basically the reason to rage about. As I'm writing now, my polytechnic friends are probably having awesome fun at the chalet. I would have been there too, but I screwed up big time. Firstly, I forgot I had to pick up my brother from school (goddamn afternoon sessions) which was about 6.30p.m. Also, the trip was like running to Kuala Lumpur for me, it was halfway across Singapore from my home to the chalet.


Even if I manage to fight the boredom of a 1 to 2 hour trip to the chalet, I would probably have to go after a short stay, blame Hari Raya for that. It's sad, really, a class chalet and I missed it. It makes me feel like some social outcast or exile. Well, I guess there'll be another time, besides, I bet I'm not the only one who didn't go, that'll set my mind at ease for now.


I've recently started jogging with my cousin, Aslam. I ran about 5 rounds around the park and my head literally spinned round and round. I had to sit down and take deep breaths to avoid puking my dinner. I guess this is what happens when you sit in front of the screen too much, or went jogging 30 minutes after your dinner, lawl.


I've gotten that Halo 3: ODST game recently, and I went to a hell lot of trouble just to get the game itself. I pre-ordered it 2 days earlier to make sure that I get a copy before the Singapore Gamers, like locusts, swamp the stock before I could even look at the cover page.



About Singapore gamers, they're really like locusts, they're never online when you're playing a popular game but always there when there's an event or launch party for a certain game. I mean come on, do you buy the game just because everyone says it's good and then throw it aside after 3 days of gameplay because your friends and mates say it blows? Damn it, then stop forcing me to queue 2 hours in the hot blazing Sun for your ignorant asses.

But, I'm stereotyping, not all Singapore gamers are bad, there are good ones out there. In fact, I find most Singapore servers or players to be more kind and relaxed over their games compared to the other countries, where they dont go bitching on how someone being such a total retard in games or get worked up over a defeat. It's just how they get too easily influenced by their friends.

/endrant

So, when I arrived at the store, I asked the shopkeeper if my copy was there. He gave a me a face as if I slapped his grandmother twice and wanted me to show a reciept.

I was shocked, didn't I pre-ordered it earlier? I tried to confirm again with my father, who placed the order, and we soon clarified the problem. I had to wait for 30 minutes before I could take my game. When I came back, the guy asked me to pay up for the game.

Holy shit, didn't pre-order mean paying before you redeem? I was caught in the most stupidest scenario, with only 12 dollars to my name then, and the game itself costing 57 dollars. I had to go home empty handed and wait for my father to collect it, which was about 10p.m. , where countless spoilers have already emerged from the web, sadface.



Well, that's pretty what I needed to get off my chest now. I'm currently thinking about what my friends are doing in the chalet right now, probably Joseph getting drunk and Shawn laughing and some random Mat barbeque. At least I wont get beaten up, lololololololololol.

This close to becoming a "Jarhead".

So, to start of with another entry, I went to the CMPB, or simply put, the National Service registration place where all eligible Singaporean men must report in order to be enlisted into the army. Because of some stupid mistakes I made and my forgetfulness, I was forced to report in because they thought I was not schooling and wanted me to do a 5 hour medical check up which involved god-knows-what behind that door.


Naturally, I resisted, taking out my handguns and blasting the hell out of the guards, doing dodges and jumps and taking down scores of hapless National Guard dudes trying to stop me. Thus, I was exempted from the National Service because of my skills.


OK, so I'm lying. But it was close to that. I just handed a letter and explained that I was still schooling in the cool, deep voice which secret agents do, that has to count for something right?



Traveling there by car was a bitch, motion sickness picked the right time to hit me and I was struggling to prevent myself from vomiting all over the nice little clerk lady. Thankfully, I kept it in, but still had an annoying headache for the rest of the day.

Motion sickness can be a bitch, I had it since I was young, probably around Primary 2 or so. It keeps coming on and off, like an unfaithful wife. It starts with a slight dizziness and rages on as a full-fledged nausea. I thought I was done with it after Secondary 3, as I never gotten it, until now. I'm tempted to drill a hole in my head, pull out the cause of it and smash it to little pieces, which would probably kill me.



Meanwhile, at the base, I saw plenty of Malay mats and dudes with their parents, most likely to be enlisted to the National Service. They'll probably outnumber the Chinese in this National Service term. Imagine the whole Singapore Army "lepak"ing somewhere when Singapore is being invaded by Malaysia or some other unhappy neighbours, taking a smoke under the void deck.


As me and my cousin, Aslam, who accompanied me during this early morning adventure, we stopped by IMM to do a bit of shopping for ingridients for the delicacies on the upcoming Hari Raya. As we walked past Mac's, we saw a group of 5 Malay peeps with floating caps and all, carrying half finished drinks, this kind of makes me feel better since I've been swearing for almost every single day during the fasting month and feeling bad for myself.

Even more, 2 of them went to the ice-cream vendor and bought sundaes. I couldn't resist breaking a smile into that. Luckily they didn't spot me, or else I'll probably end up being stabbed with plastic knives, since it was breakfast in Mac's. Lololololololololololol.

On a side note: I smuggled a McGriddles home, I couldn't stand missing another chance for McDonald's Breakfast.