The History on the Reserved Seat.

There’s a place on which people speak only in hushed tones; to mention it by name will cause great discomfort to anyone in the vicinity, including the speaker. It’s a place which contains a violent history and past which is too well known in the community.

For this case, we shall call it, the Reserved Seat.

The map, back when everything was fine.

The Reserved Seat was, ironically, a non-militarized zone which was well known for politeness and generosity. It was often shared by the different countries with the mutual agreement that the place should be used by nations that badly need it on the occasion, especially countries like Elderly People and Handicapped People.

The agreement was honored at first by all countries, and rarely were there outbreaks by the countries sharing the zone, which even if there was, would quickly simmer down.

Until the rise of power of Aunties as a growing, prospering country, the Aunties were formerly from the huge country of Adults, which split away after a bloody civil war. The Aunties felt that they deserved the Reserved Seat as they needed more land to ensure their survivability as an independent nation, and began mobilizing troops to slowly invade and conquer the zone as their own.

The 21^st Redhair Auntie Brigade fighting near the borders of Reserved Seat

At first, the other nations went on a soft approach to the Aunties, they allowed a certain quota of Aunties troops in the zone and offered a lease of the land as their own. However, the Aunties rejected the offer and began invading the Reserved Seat with their full force, claiming that they were a weak country, despite having a strong economy to last them for centuries.

During one of the Auntipendence day rally speeches during the soft approaches, President Auntiti was quoted saying:

President Auntiti during the Auntipendence Rally Speech

“Aiya, not fair la! We just finish one civil war and now we tired, the other nations say we still fit to stand for our long journeys as a nation, they no manners!”

Finally, the Teenagers and Adults felt enough was enough, and began launching counter-offensive operations against the Aunties in the zone, most notably;

(Operation: PTBASTWTMS [PRETEND TO BE ASLEEP SO THEY WONT TAKE MY SEAT]): Employed most notably by Teenagers to great effect, driving most of the Aunties troops away from the zone with clever deceptions and ruses.

A teenage soldier during Operation: PTBASTWTMS

(Operation: YCOSSWSIOMYS [YOU’RE CAPABLE OF STANDING SO WHY SHOULD I OFFER MY SEAT]): A fierce retaliation attack after aggressive threats made by the Aunties troops which successfully drove off the would-be invaders, but leaving staggering casualties for both parties.

In the counter-offensive, other parties were hit in the crossfire, dragging every nation into the devastation wrought by the Aunties transforming once a non-militarized zone is now a deadly battlefield, with casualties piling up every day in the conflict, whether innocent or participant.

The map, today

Fiends and Passengers.

Really, I use a plastic sword and a flashlight to exit a crowded train. Works every time, though, I always get chased by men in white for some strange reason. Hurr durr.

Bus Wars

You know that little game they play in the bus. The one where the players would give each other stern gazes and determining glances to see if their opponents would crumble under the building pressure and be the first to give up. But giving up can bring dire consequences, especially in your reputation and stature in everyone in the game, and of course, no one wants to be that person.

“Did you guess it? So clever.”

Yep, that’s right, it’s the bell.

If you’re a regular bus rider, you would know pressing the bell early in the stop would seem uncool to the people in the public. And many people would rather wait for some other person to press the bell for their stop.

“That’s right, they’re looking at your unzipped fly.”

Now, this is how the game works. Everyone doesn’t want to press the bell; rather, they’ll wait for the bus to travel closer to the bus stop, with the mindset that someone else would press the bell first out of fear that they would miss their stop, and hence, receive the glances and stares from other passengers.

It’s incredibly amazing how most of us would go lengths just to avoid looks of irritation and a little “tch” of annoyance from people who you would never see again, unless you bump into them after taking the same bus dozens of times.

It’s great fun to see adults glancing back and forth at each other from the bus seats when the vehicle in question is approaching a bus stop and the subtle looks of triumph on their faces when someone finally presses the bell at the last possible moment.

“Your argument is invalid.”

But I guess, it’s unfair to say that fear of humiliation plays the entire role of people pressing the bus bell at the last possible minute. Maybe it’s because of by pressing the bell if they are sitting on the inside seat while someone is currently occupying the outside seat would physically mean:

“Hey, fatass, it’s my stop and you’d better get your limited edition Snorlax belly out of the way.”

“And you already used up your Master Ball.”

Thus, this would cue them either standing up or making a way from their seat to make way for you to get out. Now, I wouldn’t complain about this, if it was just before the bus pulls over at the stop in question. But to do so when the bus is 100 meters away from the stop? Wow.

Now you can’t possibly ignore the low-self esteem man/woman making way for you, because that would make both of you look like complete idiots. So, you take the easy way out, and move out from your seat, while the bus is rocking and jerking. It’s like getting out of a roller-coaster mid-ride, and you lose your comfy seat in the process too.

“NIRVANAAAAAAAAAAA”

So, next time you’re riding a bus, here’s a word of advice: don’t press the damn bell. The other passengers will be watching your moves like hyenas, and pressing it would mean getting devoured mercilessly. And hey, it’s a free game show on a bus; surely you don’t want to ruin your only entertainment pleasure on the move?

5 Reasons Why We're Screwed in a Zombie Apocalypse

"This is you. Before you get turned into a mindless flesh-eater."

So while you're sitting at home, watching your favorite drama on who's cheated on who and eating Cheerios from a bowl. You hear a thump outside your door, you ignore it as you usually do, but the thumping grows insistent and louder. Pissed off and muttering something about slitting throats and justifiable homicide, you open the door and what do you see?

"Typical scene before the dumb moron gets eaten alive"

Not my mom, you jackasses, you see a zombie.

Your first reaction? Probably going "Holy shit, what the hell have I've been smoking last-". BUT you don't get to complete your sentence, because you're already dead, getting your throat bitten and soon joining the undead horde in their quest for brains and understanding how magnets works and stuff.

"Hey, I ate Todd, your next door neighbour."

But seriously, how many of you reading this post have a Zombie Apocalypse plan? Now, I see you Googling, but don't worry, because whatever you do won't change anything because of these 5 reasons in sweet, lovely Singapore.

1. No Guns or Ammunition

"All of this for $99.99, and I'll throw you a 12 year term in Changi Prison, absolutely free!"

As it's already commonly known, we don't allow sales and owning of firearms, for obvious reasons. You don't want Singapore to be an Asian redneck city, with gun-toting Mats and Ah Bengs cruising the town, now do you?

BUT, once the zombies start coming up their graves, don't expect to see guns lying around Singapore with bullets and ammo packs on the side like some McDonalds side dish meal. This isn't "Left 4 Dead", it's "I'm Already Dead Because I Played Too Much Left 4 Dead".

Hell, even IF you had a gun by some miracle, you wouldn't even know how to use it properly. It isn't something where you point and simply pull the trigger. The recoil would probably slam your gun into your dumb skull, finishing the job for the zombie you killed earlier on.

"Hey, at least she's pointing it the right way. (That's what he said)"

Besides, there are shitloads of different bullets to cater for each gun, and unless if you learnt enough about guns to know which pointy metal goes into which gun chamber, I suggest you put down that gun you're carrying now and save yourself the trouble of getting humiliatingly killed when your gun jams before you can even fire a shot.

2. Singapore, A Tiny Red Dot

Yep, we're so tiny that you'll bump into a hungry zombified Singaporean every 5 seconds if you had the balls to go outside during the apocalypse. Let's take an average Singaporean's residence, a HDB flat residence. Now saying you are a lucky son of a bitch, surviving the initial outbreak and well equipped to kill zombies, this would be your killcount.

Outside your house (Killcount, 3):

• Your neighbour, who often has renovations during the weekends, just to piss you off.
• The hot chick who lives next door that you haven't asked for a date despite your New Year's Resolutions.
• The annoying karang guni who keeps you awake every 7a.m.

"I'm pretty sure those cardboard boxes are brains the next time round..."

Running down the stairs: (Killcount, 7)

• The teenage boy who keeps asking you to play soccer with his gang of friends.
• The auntie that runs the nearby grocery store.
• The uncle who has his rapeface on everytime he sees you.
• The father of the teenage boy who thinks you're a bad influence to his son.

Under the void deck: (Killcount, 14)

• The 4 Mats who hang down under your void deck playing guitars and adjusting their floating caps
• The Indonesian maid who keeps hogging the goddamn public telephone booth.
• The old uncle who always hangs around the void deck with his boxers and singlet.
• The guy who thought it was a good idea to skip Friday prayers on the Apocalypse.

Now 14 zombies, don't sound a lot, does it? WELL, when you're armed with a goddamn chopper or kitchen knife, that is a lot, and you're probably going to get raped when your cheap-ass kitchen knife decides to snap while slashing some zombies.

And don't even think about heading to shopping malls, like in the movies, for refuge. Once you enter, you're gonna get chowed down before you can even say "Oh, that's a lot of zombies.".

"Unless you're this guy."

3. Lack of International Aid

Now, say if you're the commander of the last remaining human armies against the zombie onslaught. You receive a distress signal from a tiny island called Singapore, pleading for help and rescue.

"Wut iz Singarpor? Iz it a new kat food?"

Say you have about a thousand troops or so. And the distress signal comes from a band of 10 survivors, three infected, and one grievously injured. And what's separating you from them?

Like 4 million zombies, that's what.

So would you trade off, say, at least a quarter of your experienced, veteran troops (that's 250 soldiers for those who can't count) to rescue 10 desperate survivors on a tiny island of Singapore? And said survivors may become zombies afterwards and infect your troops?

Well, I don't know about you guys, but if I was him, I'm going to press that red little button there on the desk...

"But it's soooooooo cool!"

4. Lack of preparedness

Before I say anything, take a look at the link below.

http://forums.vr-zone.com/chit-chatting/224336-zombie-outbreak-singapore.html

There was another one which was longer and funnier, but I couldn't find it, so this was close as I could get.

The point is, everyone in Singapore is having a laugh and all, despite the original poster's intention of being downright serious. After sharing their zombie outbreak plans after much thought, and asking for helpful suggestions that could assist mankind in staying resilient against the living undead, what do we get?

"Lol, watch I Am Legend too much la you, tis is rel life, not fantesy. Brb la, DoTA."

"Zombies? I'll kill them with my level 25 Hero lolololol."

So, guess who's going to be the ones staying at home with determination to survive, and the ones running out and screaming mindlessly while getting chowed down by zombies?

"Told you avoiding the LAN shops would work."

5. Lack of social interaction

Greet anyone politely in say, Germany, you'll probably get a warm, friendly reception back. Now, do the same in Singapore, you're more likely to get a cold stare from not only the person you're trying to greet, but the other people around you.

So, you're probably thinking, hey, it's a zombie apocalypse, citizens will probably band together and fight the menace side by side while talking about the good old times and stuff.

"Did I tell you I was joking about the cheap skirt?"

Well, you're probably going to die soon afterwards, because no person in their right mind would suddenly group up with a stranger, even if they do, they're going to have doubts about doing so.

In a zombie apocalypse, there'll probably be marauders and bandits, bands of close-knit friends and gangs, trying to scavenge supplies and food, and believe me, they'll shoot you on sight with the excuse that they thought you're a zombie despite you spouting out mathematical equations and science theories, which of course, a zombie can't.

"Uhh, a pepperoni pizza, extra brains and eyeballs plz."

Summary...

So, you're probably going, there HAS to be a way to survive the apocalypse, they do it all the time in the movies. Well, the best option I have, and will do if said outbreak happens, is to hold out at home and wait it out. DON'T go out looking for supplies unless really necessary, and go out well-equipped. When I mean "well-equipped", I don't mean half naked and with a frying pan, I mean with knives and homemade molotov cocktails and shit.

"Who said being a chef means you need to cook?"

Thus, my friends, try not to get yourself bitten, so I won't end up savagely beating you to death with a club of wood, provided I stay alive long enough.

"CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!! CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!"

Played Too Much Left 4 Dead, Have We?

LOLWUT, ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE? LOLUMAD?

Yea, wait till it happens. I r well prepared with mah Xbawks 360 and PC games while you get eaten.

No, seriously.

Gamer Woes

Well, a video seems to be circulating like wildfire across Facebook about how games waste your life and you could be doing something better with the time spent on said games. It's below this paragraph if anyone is interested in watching, it's pretty interesting.

Well, kudos to the guy for finding his enlightened state, really, I'm not being sarcastic. But I kinda disagreed with some of his views, I'll probably state a few.

Virtual Friends =/= Real Friends?

He mentioned on how virtual friends are inferior compared to your real friends.

I, myself, have a number of virtual friends whether it may be from my adventures in World of Warcraft, firefights in Team Fortress 2 or Left 4 Dead, or even a simple forum thread. Now, why bother making friends with the players at all, when they are "inadequate friends?" Well, there's two reasons.

"Inadequate? I'll show you inadequate..."

Firstly, said players not only come from Singapore, but from other countries. When I started World of Warcraft back in Secondary 1, I joined an Australian/American family guild, which I met and befriended a number of players. We used to go attack enemy cities and raid dungeons while screaming in Ventrilo and laughing afterwards about it, despite our racial differences. I used to have their Messenger contacts until removed, thanks to a goddamn virus.

Think about it, what are the chances of you bumping into foreign people and having a good time, apart from forcing your way through the American Embassy and introducing yourself in an effort to make friends. Surely everyone wants a little love among the countries in the world?

"Let's be friends, I'll be the guy and you'll be the..."

Secondly, those said players are often like-minded people, someone you can relate and enjoy, (since all of you are playing the same game, that has to be something you share in common). My guild and I enjoyed World of Warcraft as a whole, meeting up to do quests and other game content, while getting to know each other. Why force yourself to go out in clubs and hang out with "friends" who rub you on the wrong way (that's what she said), when you can find more easier friends on your favorite games?

Of course, do take notice, I'm not encouraging you to dump your real life friends in exchange for your virtual friends, they're still as important. I'm just saying, although you can't see your virtual friends face-to-face, they are still human beings and you'll still find companionship in them, like in your real friends.

"I can play the electric guitar, am I a real friend now?"

And hey, there's Facebook if you really need to know whose behind that character.

Gamer = Bad Husband, Overweight, etc etc.

Well, apparently, this guy who made the video lacked self-control. He admitted being a bad husband, which I probably assume that he neglected his family while he was playing Sims or Civilization. Those two words, "self-control", pretty much describe whether if you're a addicted gamer or not.

To me, my self-control level is somewhat good. I can limit myself and go to sleep at right hours, I'll go out with friends instead of wasting the night to complete some RPG game. (Unless I'm too darn lazy or if there are too little people going) The only flaw in me if a release date of a game that I enjoy *cough* Cataclysm *cough* falls under a school day, well, there's where the inner gamer in me takes over.

"CATACLYSM IS OUT OF STOCK?!"

But hey, no one is perfect. Smokers, drinkers, and even wankers have their weak moments. People who say they can stop smoking, drinking or wanking whenever they want, deep down inside, the lure of nicotine, booze, or boobies is still there, ready to strike.

"Must... not... buttsex..."

Thus, it all falls under self-control to see whether you end up as an overweight bastard who cares nothing about being his Level 80 Human Paladin who defeated The Lich King over 9000 times, or ending up as a successful guy in life.

Do things that create value, not consume time

I agree with him in this sentence. But, as one replier posted, why don't games create any value, when reading books like Moby Dick, Harry Potter and Twilight do? Or watching House, How I Met Your Mother and other TV serials? It really depends on what your "value" means.

"Now, THIS is value!"

I play games because I enjoy the sense of satisfaction of completing a game, of doing something I enjoy. Something I can go "God, that's something to be proud of, I'm glad I finished this game." That's why I feel being a gamer gives value. You may see and think differently, because you see in a different perspective. You don't dwell on gaming and derive "value" from something else, whether it may be playing music, reading books, working out in the gym, etc etc.

Why are games totally different in that sense? You may say completing games don't help you in your future life. Well, let me just say there are Starcraft 2 players in South Korea making shitloads of money just by playing Starcraft 2, probably ten times more than your average office boy. And I don't really think you can put "Gyming", "Reading Books" or "Playing the Guitar" on your application form, can you?

"So... how does your "425 max bench press" help our company improve our stocks?"

What I'm really trying to say is, things which you enjoy doing isn't what I would say "wasting time". It really, really depends on what "value" means to you, whether it may be finally finishing that 1000 page novel of Sherlock Holmes, defeating the last boss in Fable III, or even finishing a whole workout session in gym. It's how you take that "value" and transform it to a way that you see it as beneficial and satisfying to your daily life, so there's no really right or wrong.

"I tink tis is "value" for a catz"

Whew, that was a tiring rant, but I'm done. I thank the people who posted the video on Facebook, it gave me something of "value" to do for this Friday night.

Operation: Sleeping Cabin

Well, it's true. I've seen a whole train cabin pull it off at Yishun during the peak hours.

The wonders of a last minute planning.